Spam of the Day

It's been a bit heavy around here lately, so today I want to help you cleanse your loud-time palate with some nice, refreshing spam. Today's Spam of the Day comes from Pablo Hathaway, who is apparently (judging by his e-mail address) currently in detox somewhere in Ontario, Canada. Despite his substantial geographical distance from suburban Chicago, he seems to know my community pretty well, because Pablo is alerting me to . . .

CHEAP HARLOTS IN YOUR AREA

The rest of the e-mail is in French, directed toward someone named Fabian. My French is and always has been sketchy ("un peu, s'il vous plait"), but from what I can gather Pablo wants Fabian to come visit him when he gets out on parole. It begs the question: If you were to entice a friend to come visit you, what features of your community would you highlight? Go ahead--brag on your community a bit. As for Lombard, Illinois (my hometown), I'd probably play up the Texan Barbecue, the "Amazing Graze" deli and the close proximity to Chicago. I probably wouldn't mention the harlots.