Vacation Bible Schools Your Child Should Skip

I've just come off a week serving as MC for our church's Vacation Bible School. It was fun, chaotic, tiring, draining, entertaining--all those sorts of things a nonparent like myself might reasonably expect to experience from prolonged exposure to a roomful of four- to twelve-year-olds.

Our theme for the week was related to cowboys, and while I don't want to name names, I noted with great private amusement that the producers of our chosen curriculum, looking for a word that rhymed with the theme, named the curriculum after a natural disaster. It got me and the other adults--particularly Tim, Afarin, Bert, Stewart and Ken--thinking about what would be the worst imaginable themes to subject small children to for Vacation Bible School. We came up with close to thirty options. Here's my top ten; I invite you to nominate your own.

10. Fun with C-Span
9. Let's Make Nikes!
8. Rocky Horror Bible School
7. Baywatch Junior
6. Death Before Dishonor!
5. The Herbs and Spices of the Bible

"Hi, my name's Herb! And these are my spices!"

4. The Plagues of Egypt
3. You'll Eat It and Like It!
2. No One Expects the Spanish Inquisition!
1. Apocalypto the Musical