Vacation Bible Schools Your Child Should Skip

I've just come off a week serving as MC for our church's Vacation Bible School. It was fun, chaotic, tiring, draining, entertaining--all those sorts of things a nonparent like myself might reasonably expect to experience from prolonged exposure to a roomful of four- to twelve-year-olds.

Our theme for the week was related to cowboys, and while I don't want to name names, I noted with great private amusement that the producers of our chosen curriculum, looking for a word that rhymed with the theme, named the curriculum after a natural disaster. It got me and the other adults--particularly Tim, Afarin, Bert, Stewart and Ken--thinking about what would be the worst imaginable themes to subject small children to for Vacation Bible School. We came up with close to thirty options. Here's my top ten; I invite you to nominate your own.

10. Fun with C-Span
9. Let's Make Nikes!
8. Rocky Horror Bible School
7. Baywatch Junior
6. Death Before Dishonor!
5. The Herbs and Spices of the Bible
"Hi, my name's Herb! And these are my spices!"

4. The Plagues of Egypt
3. You'll Eat It and Like It!
2. No One Expects the Spanish Inquisition!
1. Apocalypto the Musical


David Zimmerman said…
Couple I forgot: honorable mention goes to

*Stepford Kids
*Viva Las Vegas!
*Scarlet Letters
Pete Juvinall said…
Survivor: VBS - treats consist of bugs and rice.

Rockstar: VBS

Pete Juvinall said…
Snakes in a church.

Ebola visits Bibleland
Anonymous said…
VBS Jihad
Anonymous said…
I got to lead the music for said vacation bible school, courtesy of someone's Aunt Jeannine. Ahem. We're still friends. Anyway, I just want to know how they get away with using the word vacation.
Mike said…
dood! love it. i want to talk about using this for a humor email list i use. please ping me:
Anonymous said…
Harry Potter and the Memory Verse Scramble
Pete Juvinall said…
Abraham and Isaac visit the Krazy Sacrifice Mountain.
Anonymous said…
Here's a good one...The Lord gave our Pastor the theme- 'Shooting for God's Immeasurable Dimensions' Eph. 3:18-19. Each age group is working hard to win the competition of who can create the best rocket. The kids are very competitive and it'll be interesting to see who the winner will be(of course, all of them are winners)!
Anonymous said…
Adventures with Mr. Kool-Aid
Bevis and Butthead Do VBS
Anonymous said…
loving it!
Anonymous said…
Other Honorable Mentions:

-Titanic, the VBS
-Michael Vick's Canine Adventures

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